The veins in my temples pulsated in synch with the pressure building under my eyes, increasing in intensity to a borrowed beat that was
getting louder and it was slowly and painfully pulling me out of another weird dream … I fumble for my iPhone to light a path in the extreme darkness and when I stand up the change in pressure with the blinding light of the screen cause me to fall back onto the bed, literally unable to breathe. I can’t collect myself because her screams are now so loud I’m afraid she will wake the neighbors and so as I speed stagger towards her room my shoulder plows into the wall and I start crying because it hurt.
When I finally get to her, the combination of her screams and my headache literally blind me and I get her to the changing table from
memory. I can’t call out for Baby Daddy because my throat is obstructed by two ginormous golf balls and I need to decide if turning the light on is necessary to change the diaper because it will cause my headache to explode. I decide against the light. Poor kid is shaking she’s in pain. I imagine her headache must be like mine and all I can think to do is rock her because that’s all I want. I WANT MY MOMMY. So I hold her and pretend she’s me and I’m her and I comfort us in her rocker until I feel like I can handle getting us to the kitchen to get her some Tylenol and me some water and then call the pediatrician. En route to the kitchen, I
hear Baby Daddy groaning in pain. Our first family flu!
The family is down, I repeat: the family is down! On top of the pain of being sick, there’s an inability to get adequate rest because your poor kid can’t exactly sleep through a headache, horrible cough and ridiculous boogies so the kid is up all night needing help and guess who is helping her … you or your sick teammate. What would’ve taken one day and maybe a Sudafed to combat now takes almost a full week! I’m not
kidding, I know I can be an exaggerator in real life but legit people, I
noticed the swollen glands Wednesday night and the misery of it has FINALLY felt not too terrible today. Today is Monday. I would say Saturday and Sunday were peak Terribles. Poor Baby Daddy is a solid day behind me though so he’s having his bad day today.
I went homeopathic on my diseased self at first, raw garlic, apple cider vin, cayenne shots and some good ol fashioned sweating, the usual …
yeahhhhhh that’s not gonna cut it. For the first time in possibly my entire life, I raided the medicine cabinet desperate for the big guns and created a cold & flu fighting cocktail. My Walter White combination served only to take the edge off but it would have to do because a sick baby does not want to be put down. A sick baby only wants her
mommy. It’s a specific kind of frustrating when you can’t help your kid, you can see she’s in pain, you can feel it vicariously and there’s a nauseous wave of helplessness that washes through you when the best you can do is just hold her. I just kept saying to myself, well self,
remember all those times Mom’s hands just felt good? My mom always has cold hands and I do too, and when I was sick growing up, I loved her cold hands on my back and on my neck so I tried to help Mickey like I remembered my mom helping me. When you’re dealing with a baby it’s SO hard to guess what they want because they can’t talk so I’m guessing that something I liked growing up would work for her, but then I get all paranoid because she’s half Baby Daddy and what if he hates that? But then I took my icicle hands out to him and rubbed his head where mine hurt and when he said that felt better, I felt more confident in guessing where her hurts were because we clearly all had the same plague.
Our first family flu was another reminder that everything has changed. This first year of parenting is such a mental trip because there are changes you anticipated and knew to expect and then there are the random ones like being sick that when you initially got pregnant probably didn’t think much about. My only advice to any first time family flu
sufferers is do what it takes to survive the day and don’t feel bad letting the dishes pile up or the laundry stay in the dryer. We drank a lot of tea and took things real slow and rode the thing out. I would like to request though that people REALLY consider taking sick days, I’ve always resented the sick people who came to work but now that three of us have
to suffer if that sickness comes home with us I really want to beg those of you with the flu to stay the heck home! You’re not being a hero, you’re actually being Jafar.
Oh and first time family flu havers – get the Nose Frida. Sucks those boogies right out!