Has anyone ever ruined a song or a movie for you? Like you were existing blissfully in your ignorance, loving something that is in fact awful? Or maybe you didn’t love it, maybe you just misunderstood something and then some jerk ruined your day with knowledge … Like the time my poor sister was corrected when she said Miggs threw a booger at Clarice in Silence of the Lambs, her life was never the same after that. She’s still recovering.  Anyway, I might just do that to you with this post.

In my case, I’ve come to dread phone calls that start with “Babe, do you know what that means”. Previously I had captioned a picture of our daughter with a sex joke that I thought was about stolen bottles but it was actually about a mom and a dad doing it.

This one also involves my innocent daughter. We had been jamming out for a few weeks to a song with a long vocal “Iaaaaa aihhhhh” noise that she loves to mimic. That’s how it started and from there every time this song comes on she sings and we do a dance. It’s our thing and it’s my favorite thing in the whole world. I need to stop it and correct myself to say WAS my favorite thing in the whole world, but the truth is I haven’t fully mourned the loss of this song yet, I’m still a little bit in denial that the song could be so foul. Like it’s played on the radio, what is WRONG with people!

For the past two weeks awesomness has been going down whenever the song comes on. She moves her head back and forth and then does an up and down full body wave, waiting for her big note “AAAHH IIIII AAAAH” which she sings as out of tune as I do. One night Baby Daddy sees it for himself. He is in love with the cuteness. As the responsible parent, he took to Google to check the appropriateness of the lyrics. Sike, he wanted to play it again on Youtube to get an encore. In doing so, he stumbles across lyrics that shocked him!

this was what my face looked like hearing the explanation of the song lyrics
this was what my face looked like hearing the explanation of the song lyrics

He shares them with me, and I’m confused, I don’t get them. He proceeds to explain what “Got me walkin’ side to side” is meaning in this song, at which point I cry on the inside at the loss of our favorite happy dance. Sad face. Then I had to ask myself the obvious identity question, would JLL pre #TheHandful have gotten food poisoning from this song? And to be honest folks, yes, I think my old self would’ve been like EW there’s a worm in my apple. I love clever lyrics and I like sexy songs, I don’t like songs about specific body parts though that creeps me out.

I have issues now! Like for one: this song is played on the radio so now when it comes on I have to change it because I do NOT want my daughter singing that stuff. And, for two: even me myself can’t enjoy this on the radio now, it’s basically like finding out a song you like is by Chris Brown and now you have to hate it.

For reference here is a link to the lyrics

I can’t enjoy this song any more! Darn me for needing more “butt bicycle” in a song to investigate it further. Darn Ariana for making the lyrics gross. Ugh and darn me again for making up lyrics that I couldn’t figure out and further obscuring the awfulness and making this mess.

Also, because it’s been ruined for me, I figured since I can’t unsee the lyrics you should suffer with me. Cruel Mom, out!

Cruel Mom: Ruiner of Songs