My Friend Just Told Me They Have a Mental Health Condition, Now What?

Baby Daddy just crushed it on a podcast talking about living with OCD and getting the proper treatment. Per usual when one of us posts about mental health we get a torrent of follow up questions from people experiencing any range of unique situations. However, many people who do not struggle personally with their mental health reach out each time asking one of us how to support their relative or friend who recently shared with them their mental health challenges. The answer is both simple and nuanced. Quite frankly the best reaction looks more or less like a non reaction. Your friend or relative is likely terrified of what you’re going to say in response so neutral to grateful is right initial response. However that is a gross oversimplification to a multilayered situation. Here is a good five step action plan for how to be a good friend to someone living with a mental health condition.

Five Step Plan to Reacting to Your Friend’s Mental Health Diagnosis:

5)  The first words out of your mouth should be: “Thank you for feeling like you could share that with me, I am so flattered you feel safe sharing that with me. What are some key things you’d like me to know about what you’re living with?” In the immediate moment your friend is sharing the information with you, the only acceptable thing to do is listen supportively. This goes triple, quadruple if it’s a mother sharing that her child is living with a condition. Unless you live with the condition yourself do not start talking about remedies you’ve heard of, stories about your cousins who have issues etc. Your friend sharing this information with you likely feels extremely vulnerable, the last thing you want to do is make them regret telling you. And, Karen, now is not the time to push your essential oils or WebMD links.

4) Get curious. If this is a tier 1 friend or a relative, become the expert. Learn everything you can about the condition both academically and by asking thoughtful questions. Learn to spot when they’re experiencing a trigger or need support. Learn how to support them in their challenges. If the person sharing this with you is not a family member or tier 1 friend I still suggest learning what you can about the condition but not necessarily expert status. For example, if your friend discloses that they live with Schizoaffective Disorder, it’s helpful to understand the types of hallucinations they experience and what the best way to support them is if they’re experiencing a hallucination.

3) Collaborate. Is your friend telling you about their condition because they need your support? Most likely yes. Does your friend experience panic attacks? Collaborate in a non stressful time for a helpful action plan on what he needs when he’s experiencing an attack. Does your friend’s child have Tourettes Syndrome and the mom is clueing you in so you can ignore the tics? Follow suit.  Come up with ways to help the new mom like dropping off food or offer to watch the baby so mom can nap (or just collab on her rap video with her).

2) Don’t disappear. Many people get uncomfortable about their friend’s mental health conditions (due to unfair stigma) and abandon them. If Jeff went away for chemo or was in the hospital for open heart surgery people would’ve come from far and wide to offer to babysit or cook us a meal. Instead when we told people he was away receiving mental health treatment people scattered. My basketball team and a mom I hosted a podcast with are the ONLY people who stepped up to check on me during the entire time he was gone. People treated us like we were contagious when we needed community the most.

1) Understand appropriate boundaries. This goes both ways for the person living with a mental health challenge and for you the friend. It’s natural to want to rush in and play hero – which at times can look like doing a load of laundry for your friend with depression – but can get unhealthy and turn codependent if you’re not aware of your ego projection. A good bet is doing random acts of service when you know their struggles are flaring. Taking over all functions of a friend’s life is codependent.

Obviously this is not a catch all, but I did want to put a sort of stop gap out there for all you folks who are confused on what the right things to say are when a friend or family member discloses their mental health diagnosis. If you have a condition yourself I’d LOVE to hear what works for you when you tell someone about your condition. Or we can swap “can you believe what this fool said” stories, I have tons of those!

Race is Not a Four Letter Word

We have to talk to our children about race, discrimination and racism. Like gender, sexuality and other big topics getting started can be intimidating. Here are Cool Mom Jamie tips for talking about race.

After a recent awkward situation that left me stumped, I reached out to my favorite website’s Facebook group, Offspring: A Lifehacker Parenting Group for some help!

Auditions are held in casting offices. These offices usually share one common waiting room with several smaller rooms for each separate project. At this audition there were mostly adult actors in the waiting room so I was getting out my toy bag knowing we’d have to be quiet. The door bursts open with a loud gust of wind. In walks a very tall, bald black man. As he makes his way to the sign in sheet #TheHandful turns to me and says loudly:

“Ooooohhh he is tall and CHOCOLATE”.

I hold my breath. Oh God he’s going to think I’m some crunchy Wannabe-Woke Wendy who in the absence of a brain refers to races as chocolate and vanilla in her house because she doesn’t want to have the tough talks about race that the rest of the world has to have. They’re going to think we call black people chocolate!!!!!

He laughs loudly. The room laughs. My relief is exhaled. I couldn’t escape the feeling that while I had good intentions about talking to her about race, I didn’t have much of a plan. I knew that I wanted her to understand that everyone is created equally but that they are not always treated equally.

And I went deep into my brain trying to figure out HOW to have an actual conversation about race. My kid described an individual as chocolate do I start there? When we get in the car I still have no plan so I table it for the drive home. I later make the genius decision to reach out to the Facebook group Offspring: A Lifehacker Parenting Group and got some GREAT tips from parents, professionals and people of color about how to facilitate ongoing discussions around race.

actual post

I connected with writer Jareesa Tucker McClure (whose website JTM Writes is fantastic btw, go check it out) and she guided me through a better way to bring race into the conversation.

“So the first thing to address is actually your reaction – your child didn’t do anything wrong which is why the man just laughed.

A lot of white parents freeze up or feel embarrassed when their child comments on someone skin color and really there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, we all have skin color!

What you should avoid is teaching anything about being colorblind/not seeing color/race because that’s not the world we live in.”

Ahhhh. That is painfully obvious after she says it.

She continues:

“Trust me, that man has heard worse. I seriously doubt that he thought you refer to people as chocolate. And for the record, lots of Black people actually refer to themselves as “chocolate.”

Before taking the time to send me some awesome links (that I’ll share below) she concluded:

“This isn’t a “one and done” situation, more non-POC families need to make conversations about race part of their normal routines.”

A few commenters suggested pointing out the beauty in peoples different features if/when #TheHandful notices someone different than her next time. Many suggested making sure that books and tv shows she watches have lead characters who are of color – same with her toys. And, another commenter {who is also a woman of color} confirmed that “chocolate” is actually a compliment!

Meghan Moravcik Walbert, an editor at sent me ALL the Lifehacker pieces on race to help facilitate better discussions about race in our house. I’ll include those below as well as the links some helpful Lifehacker followers shared with me. They are great examples for how to keep the conversation going.

The main takeaway for me was don’t avoid the conversation. Avoiding the conversation is the equivalent of saying “I don’t see color” which is harmful and passes the buck back to people of color to deal with racism on their own. White parents benefit from privilege and that needs to be part of the conversation in addition to showing your child (via media, toys, relationships) that everyone has similar goals, fears and loves. And lastly the conversation isn’t just one time, it’s ongoing and evolving.


Jareesa’s suggestions:

Talking Race With Young Children

“This is a good 20min segment from NPR with additional resources” –…/talking-race-with-young-children

“There’s also a group that holds workshops/webinars and has a great website with book recommendations, talking points, etc.”
Raising Race Conscious Children –


How To Talk To Kids About Race

What To Do When Your Child Uses The N Word

Talk To Your Kids About Racist Stereotypes in Disney+ Movies

How To Talk To Young Kids About Race

Links other posters shared:

Newsweek: Nurtureshock

Mighty Girl – books for kids about racism & discrimination

#TheHandful Got Lost and Rescued Herself

The importance of having family emergency plans.

We all got separated recently at a trip to Great Wolf Lodge. It can happen to any parent, you turn your head for one second and then you turn back and can’t see your kid. It’s terrifying. In this case, thankfully we had a family action plan and everyone stuck to it with precision execution. I love a danger plan, everyone knows what to do in a given emergency and a plan increases the chances of a safe outcome. 

When I was 12 my grandmother (who needed full time care due to Alzheimer’s disease) was living with us. One day all the fire alarms in our house went off. While my mother raced to grab my brother I ran to my grandmother and began the slow process of getting her out of the house. She was unstable on her feet and required support walking from the den to the front door to our family meeting place outside. 

Once everyone was safely outside, the fire trucks arrived and they began to search our house. Turns out there was no fire, rather the alarms were malfunctioning. I remember the fireman turning to me and telling me I did a great job “rescuing” my grandmother. And all I could think was, mom and I stuck to the plan. And plan making had me hooked. I loved that a danger plan was a weapon against danger.

It was the fist time I had to execute one of our plans and I was very relieved that it worked. Mom and I had this plan from the day Nana moved in: one would go for Nana and the other would go for #LittleBrother (age 7 at the time). I knew in advance that our danger plan was going to be me on Nana this time because I was already in the room with her when the alarms went off – trusting my mom to go for #LittleBrother. Despite Nana’s physical condition we were out of the house in minutes. It was then I truly appreciated the danger plan. 

Later, in my 20’s an intruder broke into our apartment while my sister and I were sleeping. We stuck to the plan there and he was apprehended when the police finally showed up (thirty minutes after more than a few 911 calls btw). After the fact we acknowledged that it was sticking to the plan that kept us safe. Now as a mom I have to have danger plans for my own family. This means fires, earthquakes … and getting lost at amusement parks.

#TheHandful has become a very strong swimmer. She is confident in the water and enjoys big slides at waterparks. As such we hit up Great Wolf Lodge (GWL) a lot. I knew it was a matter of time before we had a separation at the park because she is fiercely independent and very water safe. It could be her going down one slide while one of us is still in line and then she gets to the bottom and can’t find us etc etc etc the scenarios danced an Abby Lee solo in my brain. Before our last GWL jaunt, I reviewed our danger plan for getting lost a few times to make sure she was lock step on the program. I drill her: locate an employee, which we know is an employee because their shirt will have a GWL wolf paw on it and will probably be red. Tell the employee you’re looking for Jamie Lardner and Jeff Goldman and then give them daddy’s phone number (which is the one she has memorized). She repeated the plan back to me and told me to stop asking her what the plan is. What can I say, I’m extra.

Well good thing I’m extra. EXTRA CAUTIOUS.  At GWL they do out of water activities too. The nighttime activity that night was a story reading and it was very popular. So popular that the staff asked the parents to move to the back of the room so all the kids could see at the front. 


In the seconds it took for #BabyDaddy to walk to the back, #TheHandful decided the story was boring and that she didn’t want to stay for it. She looked around and couldn’t see her dad to ask him if they could leave. She told us she looked around again to make sure and then concluded that she lost her dad. She told us she immediately started the plan. She walked all the way from the activity area to the main lobby and from there went behind the hotel desk. She said she looked at the people behind the desk and chose one of ladies in a paw print shirt. “I liked her face so I asked her to help find my daddy” #TheHandful explained. And then #TheHandful told us she gave the woman all her information and then pointed to the story area where she last saw her dad. Later she explained that she chose the lobby because she could see the most GWL shirts over there – my baby had a plan of her own all along.

All this time #BabyDaddy thinks she’s at the front still listening to the story. “Jeff Goldman please come to the lobby”. He looks around, looks up at the hotel lobby and sees #TheHandful standing at check-in waiving and smiling. Plan.Executed. I gotta be honest, part of me was actually proud. My little four year old kept her cool. But oh boy did I squish her extra extra extra after that.

The reason I had her find a staff member instead of “a mom with kids” which I’ve seen posted on a few mommy boards is this: I know the staff member has the resources and ability to locate our family whereas sending her to locate random mom with kids is now telling my kid to approach strangers for help and relying on her to identify which strangers can help. Nerrrr. Just nerrrr. Staff members meanwhile are visible and vetted by their employers therefore less likely to abduct her or make questionable decisions. I also like the clear direction of find an employee in a staff shirt because it gives kids a visual instead of having to interpret who among strangers is a good safe bet. 

A family meeting place is great for older children who are less at risk for immediate danger when they are separated. I like meeting places for kids 10 and up because of that. Under ten and there are elevated safety concerns from abduction to serious injury at water parks and theme parks when they are separated from a caregiver. A good family meeting place is easy for all family members to navigate back to and is specific enough that you’re not all in the same place and still can’t see each other. In our case having a family meeting spot would not have been effective as #BabyDaddy and I didn’t know she was “missing” in the first place so our strategy of finding an employee worked.

Another important aspect of having plans for when situations go awry is it empowers your kid to be their own hero and gives them action steps to take. In this instance she wasn’t even worried or scared that she couldn’t find us because she was busy executing her plan. And because our plan worked she now has more faith in the system because she can trust we will follow our part of the plan too.

What are some safety plans your family has? Drop me a comment or an email with some good ones!



With summer well underway I want to take a moment to highlight best practices for water safety. In the last few weeks I’ve seen some unsafe choices around the water and I have to remind myself not everyone is trained in water safety.  As you may remember I worked on the waterfront staff at Camp Pontiac – what you probably don’t know is that we had an EXCELLENT water safety protocol. After my interview on Lifehacker about being a former camp counselor, I was inspired to reach out to my former bosses to pick their brains about what we can do as parents to be safe this summer, inspired by their vast experiences at Camp Pontiac and in their hometowns where they also work in the water. 

I wanted to know as parents what their specific pool rules were – for example in our house the rule is #TheHandful is not allowed in the water unless me or Baby Daddy have two feet in the pool. Let’s see what the masters of the waterfront have to say about best pool practices this summer. Here are some lifeguard approved rules for water safety for your family this summer.

Panel of Experts:

Steve Fein Camp Pontiac Waterfront Director for 10 summers. Trails End Camp- one summer as lake director, Certified Lifeguard 

Jill Christiansen Lifeguard for 15+ years (pool and lakefront); 3 year head coach of high school boys and girls swimming. Teacher for 17 years, Masters in Special Education

Joan Warner Lifeguard and WSI at Camp Pontiac from 2002-2006, then WSI through 2008 from infancy through adults. 


1) DO NOT OVER ESTIMATE YOUR SWIMMER’S ABILITIES AND DO NOT PUSH SWIMMERS FURTHER THAN THEIR LIMITS– unanimously agreed upon by my experts.There was a reason we swim tested EVERY person at camp at the beginning of the summer, regardless of how great they did last summer: kids forget during the school year. Do not assume your 7 year old who can swim is water safe enough for you to be on your phone or otherwise distracted. Advanced swimmers can drown too. Per Jo: “Adults get comfortable and comfort leads to laxed watches. Drowning can happen in as little as 30 seconds, which is less time than it takes for you to grab your cell phone, open Instagram, and scroll through a few stories.”

2) “NO HORSEPLAY” akaDO NOT PUSH PEOPLE IN THE POOLthis one came from Steve our head of Waterfront. This sounds like common sense, however it bears repeating as every year someone thinks it’s funny to push a person in the pool. They can hit their head, they can break their necks, they can lose their expensive iPhones … the list goes on. NO PUSHING PEOPLE IN THE POOL, it’s never funny and often times has serious consequences. 

3) DO NOT ALLOW CHILDREN UNDER AGE 16 INSIDE THE POOL GATE UNLESS AN ADULT IS THERE TO SUPERVISE. Why 16? At age 16 many can drive and therefore transport a friend to the hospital. Under age 16 they would have to find an adult, which wastes rescue time. I recently saw a 7 year old open a pool gate and allow three children under age 5 into the pool and all the adults were inside. I was hobbling behind on my boot screaming NO ADULTS ARE IN THE POOL and the parents all looked at me like I was crazy because they rationalized that the 7 year old can swim. COOL, what about the other three and what happens if he slips and hits his head? If he hits his head and slips into the pool, can 4 year old #TheHandful even reach the gate to open it to call for help?  I just felt my adrenaline pump recounting that.

4) SURVEY THE POOL PRIOR TO ENTRY – per Jill.  “ I always look at the water before entering. If I can’t see the bottom of the pool, neither can the lifeguard. The chemicals are off and I don’t get in, period! When visiting a pool with or without a lifeguard, I always look for lifesaving equipment (shepherds crook, tubes, and a phone), I also look to see who is swimming and who is not. I always go into lifeguard mode no matter where I am at or whom I am with” says Christiansen.

5) ADULTS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO GET COMPLACENT NEAR THE WATER. When we are at the pool, we are all engaged (no phones, no magazines) and paying attention to what’s happening in the water – Warner advises. And our boss, Steve reminded us how he kept us vigilant at the waterfront “if all else fails, spray them with a hose” to keep their attention sharp. Fein says “constant scanning is a must”. (For the record neither Jo, Jill or I ever got sprayed for failing to pay attention.)

6) DISCUSS WATER SAFETY RULES AHEAD OF TIME: Jill and Jo both said this. Tell your kids what the rules are, tell your guests what the rules are and manage everyone’s expectations ahead of time. 

7) — USE SUNSCREEN: all three stressed this. In the word’s of Steve Fein “you don’t want your kid to become a s’more”. 

We had amazing, safe summers at camp thanks to these rules. One rule I left out because it really pertained to a camp setting, but is still worth mentioning is the constant buddy-checks we did at camp. Every so often Steve would blow his whistle and everyone had to exit the pool and sound off on a buddy check. This was done to ensure all children were accounted for. Steve did this as often as he felt necessary to keep us all vigilant. At home, perhaps during a pool party, consider emptying the pool every 30 minutes to give swimmers a break and water watchers a chance to refresh themselves to stay vigilant.

What are some water safety tips you live by?


Some of my meds and needles (missing a Follistem pen)

To say this experience has been disappointing would be an understatement. If it wasn’t for my Facebook IVF Support groups, I think I might have lost my mind. If you’re going through IVF right now, go join those groups on Facebook, I got the BEST tips from those warriors – from injections to side effects to emotional support, they were more helpful than my doctor on a few occasions.

I don’t know where to begin, so I’ll start at the beginning. Immediately after getting my period following our final IUI (intrauterine insemination) my doctor’s partner (so the one I don’t see regularly) writes out a prescription for the needles and tells me I begin that Friday. I found this abrupt.

For some reason I thought there was more time between Aunt Flo and the needle show. I am also terrified of injecting myself. I ask the nurse if she can inject me that Friday and she tells me yes, but then tells me I’m still going to have to do it myself on Saturday and Sunday at the very least. Dilemma.

So I go in that Friday and have her draw circles on my body for where to inject and have her do the first one for me. SHE MIXES THE MEDS IN FRONT OF ME. At this point I am fully about to panic because I did NOT know I would be mixing THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS worth of medicine into a small vial to then inject into myself with a needle – as if I went to professional chemistry and needle jabbing school to acquire these skills. She shows me on a ball how to insert the needle into my own skin. She then injects me for real with my needle. It burns a little but it’s nothing compared to the mounting anxiety I’m experiencing about the next injection because I’ll be doing it myself. That night I couldn’t sleep because I was so anxious.

All day the next day I had a knot in my stomach. I kept staring at the clock knowing at 5pm I would have to stick two needles into my stomach. At game time I was not ready. I was very scared.

My hands were shaking too much to mix the meds so mercifully Baby Daddy stepped in to do the Walter White part. Then I did what I had to to make myself do it: I had Baby Daddy film me on my Instagram story so that I would have no choice but to follow through with it. I know that’s so weird but something about having an audience made me focus on the task and step out of the fear. So thank you because without knowing you were watching I might have totally bailed out. I stuck it in, you can hear #TheHandful say “You can do it Mommy” in the video of it. It sucked naturally but I did it. Now repeat. I won’t bore you with a week by week recap of ALL the injections I’ll just say this: you do different ones on different days and the side effects increase each day.

So step one of IVF is to harvest your eggs. I was injecting myself with a drug called Follistem to make my follicles swell. I also had to take Estrogen which gave me gnarly headaches. Once you get a good crop of follicles they knock you out and retrieve them one by one with a scary looking probe that looks like the one they do the transvaginal ultrasounds with but with a HUGE needle on top. DO NOT LOOK AT THE EQUIPMENT YOU DUMB IDIOT. After looking at the thing, I grabbed the anesthesiologist and said NO ONE IS TO TOUCH ME UNTIL I STOP TALKING and proceed to sing the ABC’s terrified that they were going to start before I was unconscious.

They didn’t. I woke up with the worst cramps of my entire life. I was pissed the doctor didn’t tell me I would be in so much pain, he told me many women go back to work after – when I had been warned via Facebook groups that this was a days long recovery. They got 14 eggs. I was bed ridden for two days and it hurt to cough or laugh or move for a week after that.

But fuck recovery, I had MORE shots to do. Now this is where things take a dip for the bad. When I was pregnant with #TheHandful I had hyperemesis gravidarum, meaning I puked all day everyday for the entire pregnancy. I begged my doctor to find any other way to do this without using Progesterone as me and Progesterone have never gotten along (one year I did birth control that was progesterone based and puked every morning that year).

I don’t last three injections. After my second dose, I begin to vomit.

I am supposed to take a ton of pills orally in the days leading up to the blastocyst transfer — AKA the day they put the embryo in me and I’d be considered pregnant until proven otherwise. I don’t stop vomiting for 7 days. Day 2 of not being able to even keep water down we call a mobile IV service to get me hydrated as I can’t even get out of bed.

We call the clinic’s emergency line and they say if I can’t get the pills down the procedure is cancelled.


Weeks of injections, pills, exams, side effects, overall discomfort to find out we can’t do the final step. And, based off of my reaction, I am truly unsure if I’ll ever do that again knowing that two injections of progesterone resulted in a week of non stop vomit.

I’m laying in bed with the IV drip thinking the worst of it’s over because they put some Zofran in my drip. Hours after the nurse leaves, the vomiting comes back. I continue to vomit continuously for days, Baby Daddy is calling out of work to care for our daughter and we wind up driving to the ER to get some Zofran.

It’s June, the transfer was scheduled for April 4th. I haven’t taken any hormones or meds since and I am still recovering from the shots. I’m still bloated, my periods are still off and I still have that “super smell” I got when I was pregnant where I can smell EVERYTHING.

If you had to do this to get pregnant you are nothing short of a warrior.

So now you know why I’ve been radio silent these past few weeks. I’ve literally been coping. I feel better now, I’m still disappointed in the outcome and the overall experience.

I do have tips and pointers for people going through IVF and I’ll post that in a more up beat post, but I know I left everyone hanging will all those injection videos on Instagram, so I wanted you all to know why they stopped.


Now that we are finally out of the closet about some of the mental health challenges we experience in our house, as well as the time #BabyDaddy needed some in-patient treatment for his OCD, I can give you all my tips!

If you are about to drop a loved one off at in-patient treatment, here are some things I have learned from this somewhat uncommon – and definitely more common than you think – experience. Your emotions might be all over the place like mine were, but perseverance is the way. One foot in front of the other, day by day and you will get there. It gets better.


5) Go. Once you’ve made the decision someone is seeking treatment, be it you or your loved one, do not delay seeking treatment. I say this from firsthand experience. Our therapist suggested he seek in-patient treatment in April, but he put off the actual start date until August. So while we were confirmed with dates, paid and everything we were still about 12 weeks out from treatment when we decided it was right for him to go. What happened between April and August nearly ended us as his anxiety and fear about actually going to treatment escalated every day we got closer to the start date.

4) Tell key people about your circumstance. You will need support especially if you are a parent. #TheHandful was about 23 months old when he went away and if wasn’t for my basketball team keeping some normalcy for me, the lonliness and isolation got very hard at times. You don’t want to white knuckle this on your own like I tried to for so long, it was very lonely and it was very annoying trying to cover up his absence with flippant “work” excuses. And from a labor stand point taking care of even one kid 24hrs a day with no break for 6 weeks is labor intensive. 

3) Do NOT expect everyone you tell to react well. The night before #BabyDaddy went to treatment, we told two friends. They were the only people who knew for a while and they did not reach out to me once, did not come offer to babysit nothing, dropped like a hot potato the entire 6 weeks. That further discouraged me from asking for help. Don’t be me. Don’t let idiots pee in your lemonade, keep telling people, the right people step up and help. Hoop Star on my basketball team called me up directly and said “what is going on”. This was effective in making me brave enough to tell someone again. The second my basketball team knew about my situation I had a babysitter sent to my house the next night, paid for by my team so I could play in the game that night. I will never forget that. And sometimes chasing a ball getting bumped by sweaty, Millennial, Hollywood execs is exactly what you need to feel normal.

2) Educate yourself and know every single detail about your family member’s condition. Become the expert. I cannot stress this enough. Not all therapists know all disorders, not all styles of therapy are going to work, you need to be able to vet the therapy to see if it’s working or not and if you don’t know ERP from CBT to DBT, then how are you going to challenge the therapist when it’s not working. How will you know when to move on and when to persevere. Become.The.Expert.

1) Don’t expect the facility to be perfect OR to educate you. I was shocked on family weekend when I came to visit #BabyDaddy that the entire experience was about his condition all while telling me I’m the most vital component to his recovery. HOW ABOUT A MANUAL FOR ME THEN?! Nope sorry we only treat the “identified patient”. What’s that? That’s #BabyDaddy in this instance. Don’t go in there expecting them to do anything other than further explain what the identified patient is experiencing. They did not to sit there and point out the ways in which I enable him, they just told me not to enable him.  In our case OCD was the minority of cases at the treatment center, the majority were people experiencing various forms of BPD, so the focus on all the lectures was BPD not OCD so much. Another frustrating thing as his advocate and partner. See #2 about making yourself the expert, this was very useful during visiting day.

This may have read as kind of a downer but here is what I can tell you. IT CHANGED OUR LIVES. Treatment works and here is how I know this. One of the most stressful life experiences is moving and they warned us not to make any changes to his life for the next year post treatment. A week after he left treatment and might have even still been in out-patient treatment, our landlord wanted his house for repairs so when our lease ended which was that month, we had to find a new place. A week out of treatment and we need to move and while that normally would have sent him into a spiral, he was able to use his skills from the center to keep everything together and do what it took for the move. This never would have happened without the treatment center. 

Further proof treatment works is he came out on a podcast and told everyone in the universe that he has OCD, Tourettes Syndrome and some ADHD. This was something he was deeply ashamed of prior to treatment, something he took great pains to hide. Now he’s an advocate, speaker and activist for OCD. The change would not have been possible without treatment. His courage inspires me and reminds me everyday I made the right call when I dropped him off at the residence and drove off in tears not knowing what the future would look like. 

The people who step up will surprise you, the people who disappear will too, but you will forge through because this is something you can actually attack. I am your safe space if you want to tell me your stories and I am your advocate if you need help getting treatment. I am here, I’ve been there and I promise the future can be happier. And, if you know someone who is in my shoes, acts of service go a long way to making them feel less isolated and alone. They may not feel like talking about things but they definitely could use help. 

Los Angeles readers, we will be walking to support the IOCDF, the International OCD Foundation on June 1stat De Anza Park. We would love to see you there! Austen, see you in a few weeks for the IOCDF Convention! 

IVF Journey

After our fourth failed IUI (Intra Uterine Insemination) we pivoted immediately to IVF. At the time of this post we received some not-so positive news: only 2 embryos out of 8 healthy ones survived to blastocyst stage. I am going to post a step by step walk through of what to expect when you’re navigating the IVF process, but I’m writing this post to send you to my Instagram. Follow along with my IVF Journey here and please send that link to anyone you know doing IVF so that they can have a better understanding of what the entire process looks like.


The story of how after a month of constant disruption, we regained control of our lives and got back to normal.

A month ago our lives were disrupted from the Woolsey Fire, travel and sickness. We had to rely on each other, our families and strangers to pull through and regain normalcy. While we were fortunate, many were not so lucky. Here is our account of what it’s like to escape a natural disaster and how we got our toddler to readjust to normalcy when we returned.

When the fire broke out I had a bunch of moms and kids from our Temple over for a big play date. My house was trashed with toys, crumbs and an impressive amount of stray clothing as the kids all went upstairs and disrobed before coming downstairs naked declaring it a naked party. 3 year olds, amirite?

One of the moms suddenly looks up from her phone and says something like “omg you guys my area is in voluntary evacuation from a fire!” Voluntary evacuation means you’re advised to go, but if you choose to stay you’re likely safe. Mandatory Evacuation means law enforcement believes there is a direct threat to your safety AND/OR they need to secure the area and have complete access to the area to fight the fire. As the sun is setting that night I see a big ball of a cloud of smoke rising above the mountain in my backyard. All the moms and their semi clothed children depart and I think I can speak for all of us at the time when I say we all thought the fire would be over by the morning.

The next morning while the air still smelled fine, I could see two large plumes over the mountains in two locations. I decided to keep #TheHandful home from school that morning, concerned we would be shifted to Mandatory Evacuation and I’d have to deal with chaos at the school. That would be my last intelligent decision throughout this process. From here on out I existed in a zombie state of disbelief alternating watching the news and watching the smoke plumes in the backyard expand. Somehow I knew to keep her home with me, but lacked the foresight to begin packing. 

Our backyard morning of November 9, 2018

At this time, the 101 is closed at our exit. I begin to relentlessly text Baby Daddy (who is at work) with fire updates, which we were receiving via Twitter from LA County Fire, following the hashtag #WoolseyFire. There was a TON of misinformation and rumors flying around on local Facebook groups so it was extremely difficult to verify truth from rumor. My uncle is a producer for KTLA and I did not change the channel. They were a reliable source for tracking the movement of the fire.  As more areas around us starting getting Mandatory Evac orders, our little pocket was considered safe. Until, it wasn’t. 

video recorded on November 9, 2018

Baby Daddy gets home from work and I tell him we need to start looking for a hotel. While our area was still not Mandatory Evac, we were surrounded by Mandatory Evac orders and the fire was 0% contained. In our backyard we could see the smoke growing and growing and then GLOWING. Planes flew over our house and disappeared into the dark smoke. These planes flew so low you could see the pilots. At this point we put a suitcase in the middle of the hallway upstairs and start putting in the VIP papers and the stuff #TheHandful can’t live without (sound machine, sleeping snuggle toy etc.). No hotels in the area can take us. 

At this point I go from chill to worried. The whole time we were putting stuff in this suitcase I had a sense of disbelief like at any moment they’d lift orders and we wouldn’t have to leave. Computers, cords, cell phone chargers, jewelry and two pictures of our family that are not digital: Plop! In the bag. At this point I see via Twitter we are officially Mandatory Evac. Anticipating traffic and chaos and seeing the glowing clouds continuing to grow, I actually shout “Everyone in the car, NOW!”

We still have nowhere to go. As I look out our backyard before we leave, I see the smoke appears to have rolled up the hill and it’s glowing from the bottom a bright orange. If we had evacuated earlier we would have been able to been more strategic in our packing. Instead all of us had three days worth of clothing and few toiletries. 

My final video from our house Nov 9, 2018

We take two cars so Baby Daddy can still get to work in the morning as his office is in West Hollywood and far from the flames. My car had no gas in it. Classic evacuation error. Keep your car gassed up during an emergency. We had to hit up a gas station ASAP which took us by a hill engulfed in flames near our Temple. It looked like something from Game of Thrones. I pick up the phone and start screaming at Baby Daddy that we should’ve left hours ago. Blaming him for my feelings. However, he doesn’t have time for my shit because he is trying to get us a hotel room.  At this point State Farm steps up and helps us get a hotel room in West Hollywood at The Chamberlain who was literally the ONE hotel in the area that did not raise their rates. Can you believe you’re fleeing for your life from a fire and a hotel has the balls to raise rates to north of $700 a night. Disgusting.

We get to the hotel and immediately Baby Daddy realizes he left his computer at the house. Y’all we are SO LUCKY he did. He RUSHES back to Calabasas. When he gets there he is stopped by the Sheriff as he attempts to re-enter our neighborhood. The Sheriff tells him he has 10 minutes to grab what he can and then he can’t come back. He came home to see we left many windows open and we didn’t feed our fish. He closed all of our windows which was the single most important thing he did because all of our stuff would’ve been ruined by smoke if he did not. Then he went to the backyard and sprayed our house and the yard with water to reduce the dryness that was in the air and contributing to fire food. By turning off the air he saved our house from additional smoke damage. He dropped multi day feeding pellets in our fish tanks and then he locked up and took this final picture before he left. 

Last picture from our back yard on November 9, 2018

I’d like to point out here how fortunate we are. I know of families who had to sleep in their cars, some with their pets and kids all crammed into the vehicle. I know of families who lost their entire homes. People died. We had insurance and the means to sustain ourselves throughout this ordeal something many families did not have. We are so grateful to Richard Lonnie at State Farm Insurance who stayed on the phone with us and talked us through how to proceed during rapidly deteriorating circumstances. Between him and the hospitality of our hotel The Chamberlain we felt and were protected in such a chaotic time.

We spent four days in the hotel, during which the air quality in West Hollywood was no longer good. We wore N95 masks anytime we had to go outdoors to reduce the chances of inhaling all the particles in the air. It was Monday that I realized we might not be going back home before our Thanksgiving trip to Chicago. We were supposed to fly out on Saturday. Baby Daddy called the airlines and it turns out our change fee was only going to be like $25. Now we had a decision to make. We were out of clothes because we naively thought we would be back in our house in a day, two max. Calabasas was still under Mandatory Evac and the fire was still 0% contained. #TheHandful has been stuck in a one bedroom hotel room, barely allowed outside due to air quality. 

N95 Mask 

After going back and forth about our options, we decided that #TheHandful and I should change our tickets and fly to Chicago on Tuesday – with just the clothes on our backs. We evacuated in pajamas and I packed mostly sweat pants for us because at the time we fled I thought we were going to come back with time to get Chicago clothes. I was glad I evacuated in my basketball sneakers and highly recommend sneakers as an evacuation shoe. I just also wish I packed anything else. However if you’re going to have one shoe a sneaker is your best bet. 

Poor photo quality, smoke is blowing over the water

Baby Daddy stayed behind in the hotel room because he had to keep going to work. During his stay he had to keep changing rooms as the hotel had to accommodate existing reservations while juggling #WoolseyFire evacuees. I cannot say enough good things about this hotel, they even put chocolate chip cookie trays in our rooms to raise everyone’s spirits a little. 

Thank you Chamberlain Hotel!

My Mother-in-Law met us at the airport with winter coats and warm clothes. She had clothes, bathing products and food ready for us. She even got me a leopard crop top sweatshirt and a faux fur scarf to make it feel like I packed them myself! I could rest a little easier knowing #TheHandful was in a familiar place, she could breathe safe air and even though she was missing school with her friends, she would at least be with her young cousins and her Gaga. She even took us to get our nails done after I said jokingly “ugh and I even missed my pre-thanksgiving manicure” in a Valley Girl accent. She turned the morale of the situation around. We are so thankful for her.

Gaga ready with winter coats!

Meanwhile back in California, Baby Daddy was not allowed back into our home until Friday evening. I AM SO GLAD WE FLED TO CHICAGO. I would’ve lost my mind with my 3 year old in that one bedroom hotel not being able to take her outside but Baby Daddy still leaving every day for work. 

My girl is very brave and usually very chill. This fire rattled her. She needed to sleep with me every night because she was concerned the fire could come get her while she slept. This was another hard thing for me personally because I did not like seeing her in distress and I do not sleep well with anyone next to me.

When Baby Daddy was finally allowed back home he packed a suitcase of my stuff and #TheHandful’s stuff so that when he arrived in time for Thanksgiving we felt a little less displaced having some of our own stuff back. It was a return to normalcy to have the whole family together for a typical Goldman Thanksgiving. 

Annual Cousins Pre-Thanksgivng movie, RALPH BREAKS THE INTERNET

When we finally got home home, Baby Daddy had to immediately fly to London to be a speaker on a huge panel at this super cool international TV conference. Our plan was to meet him there a few days later and get to see him speak and then go see the sights.  

Buuuuut … #TheHandful is out of sorts now that we’re home, from the routine changes etc. She insists on sleeping with me that night even though we are home. She takes to complaining of a tummy ache multiple times during the night so I have to keep checking on her. Well. I should have known better because my girl is no liar. At about 1 am two days before we are supposed to leave for London she wakes up covered in puke. Cue the horrible mom guilt for not believing her. I clean her up and bring her to bed with me. She wakes up in the morning and seems fine. I chalk it up to travel stress and poor diet. We go to gymnastics and she has a great workout but looks very pale. That night she begs to sleep in my bed and I give in because I feel so awful about the night before. 

The sun rises and she declares (like she does every time she sleeps with me) “The sun is awake so I am awake!” and pops up to open my shutters. She then grabs her stomach and goes “I have to puke Mommy”. Calmly walks herself to the toilet and pukes. I’m like omg what a calm puker. She repeated this every 45 minutes for 12 hours. By hour 12 I call the pediatrician who has me monitor her for dehydration. Throughout this process I’ve been updating Baby Daddy and it’s starting to become clear she can’t fly like this. I can’t put her on an international flight puking every 45 minutes. 

She sleeps next to me and does not make it through the night without vomiting and in the morning has diarrhea. We speed to the pediatrician and get there 1 minute before they open. They quarantine us in a private room to reduce the spread of whatever we have. Then the doc comes in and confirms she is in no state to fly, prescribes Zofran for her and tons of pedialyte. London cancelled. Captain Zofran does her job  and my girl is finally able to keep ice cubes and small sips of water down. Slowly my girl rebuilds her strength. By the time Baby Daddy returns home she is skinny and still a little tired but at least hungry and keeping food down.

Regaining her strength

After all of this chaos, the total time spent out of our normal routine wound up being about a month. My girl basically endured a month of disruption and sickness. While she was physically ready to be back in her bed at night, she was afraid to sleep on her own. It was confusing at first to experience the constant meltdowns because when we were on the road and in the throes of the chaos she was so chill. No tantrums, happy to roll with all punches. When we got home she had trouble going to bed and staying asleep and she had trouble with her emotions after school which was out of the ordinary.

Evacuating a fire is nothing like other natural disasters. You get barely any notice and the consequences are far reaching. My knowledge of early childhood development came in handy for parenting in the moment as we had to keep adjusting our plans and disrupting her routine. I knew routine was paramount to keeping her mentally resilient and so while we were in the hotel and then in Chicago, we did everything we could to keep her bedtime routine as identical to her home routine as possible. We recognized that there were factors that were outside of our control and worked to manipulate the situations we could control. We knew missing school was going to be the hardest thing for her outside of the general stress of not being able to go home.  She’s an only child and so her schoolmates are extremely important to her. We made sure to set up activities for her in Chicago where she would be with other little kids or her cousins to put a band-aid on that.  

When we returned it took over a week to get her adjusted to our normal night time routine. Every single night she complained that the room was too dark for her and that the fire was going to come again. This is when I had to get tough and adopt a non negotiation policy with my little bed time terrorist. As much as the mama bear in me wanted to cuddle her and tell her she can sleep with me because she’s scared, I know that if I don’t stick to the routine perfectly we are going to go down a slippery slope of her needing to sleep with me every night. Baby Daddy and I alternated re-tucking her in every time she woke up demanding to sleep with me. After about two weeks we returned to normal sleep habits. 

Hugs to regulate

It was also different after school. But here I didn’t take the hardline. While she was able to behave IN school, once school got out I had Meltdown Mary on my hands. At about the time the sleep regulated her moods chilled out too.  Maybe it was the lack of sleep. I chose to respond to her meltdowns by asking her to use her words to tell me what is frustrating her (frustration = our number one cause of meltdown around here) and then ask if she needs a hug or her own space to find her words. She always asks for a hug. So we did lots of hugging those two weeks.

Now that we’re back and in the swing of things, I’ve been taking a TON of yoga to practice some #selfcare. 

I hope you walk away from this post with this takeaway: start packing and planning EARLY for a disaster to avoid the last minute scramble. We were so lucky and you don’t want your safety or your ability to evacuate to come down to luck.

And, if you takeaway two things, allow your family to react in various ways during a crisis, recovery can take time and everyone needs compassion.

The Ten Moms You Meet On Facebook Mommy Groups

First, congrats to me for this being my 100thblog post. Thanks! It took me a few weeks to crank out a post because I was holding out hoping that my 100thpost would be a pregnancy announcement. Unfortunately I’m not with child – yet – but too much time has passed from my last post to where it’s getting weird. I had a few ideas in mind for what this post was going to be, and as I normally do, I was scrolling down my Facebook feed for some inspiration. After about the fifth shit show post on LA Mommies, including one (posting anonymously of course!) asking the 53,053 members if she should let her husband bang other chicks because she doesn’t want to bang him right now – I knew I had to write about this world of Mommy Groups on Facebook. Meanwhile a few days ago I read via one of my Doula Facebook groups that there’s a wacky movement called “Free Birthing” and that there’s a whole group of women actively discouraging members from seeking professional medical help while pregnant. And do not get me started on Sanctimommies, who can’t help but punctuate every comment with the word “cunt”. I’m serious, if you haven’t heard of them, go look them up on Facebook they’re a horrid bunch and use the C U Next Tuesday word too much for me. I left that group btw, too much aggression and craziness for me.

Anyway, I noticed I kept encountering the same types of moms in these groups and once I see a pattern, I latch on and BLOG baby! If you’re a member of any “mommy” groups on Facebook, you’ve likely encountered the following people:

1) The Regular. You probably have never met her in person, but because she posts sometimes twice or three times a day, you feel like you know more about her than you should. Posts of hers include requests for others to join in on a “game” like post a pic of your kid eating today and I’ll post mine too! Never reply to her. Never. She will blow up your comments as if she really does know you. And then she’ll friend request you despite never having met you.

2) The HypERchondriac.Easy to spot, constantly posting pics of her kids Hand Food and Mouth Disease rash asking if the fellow moms think she should take her kid to the doc. Posts pic of a kid with a nail in his hand asking if she should take him to the ER. Lady, drop the camera and start driving to the doc! Also, don’t comment on her post either, you’re just encouraging that nonsense! A slight subset of this type are the moms who post pics of pregnancy pee tests being like “Am I pregnant”. C’mon lady, there’s either a line or there’s not and regardless you gotta go to the doc to confirm it, random moms weighing in won’t confirm it!

3) The Sales Consultant. This Mom will always comment under any post “PM me, I have an oil for that”. Or, use my Detox Tea to lose that baby weight, that’s how I did it (pro tip, detox tea = gives you diarrhea so basically this mom sells diarrhea tea).

5) Meme Mom.She will flood your newsfeed with posts ending in “Share if U agree”. She is the most likely to use words like “U” instead of “you”, “2” instead of “to or too”. A full 85% of her content is random videos that literally no one has ever seen or would even know how to find and yet she finds them and shares them on the reg.

6) Angry Mom. Back in the day she would’ve ended every experience declaring “I am going to write them a letter”. Today she’s the one with a million negative Yelp reviews, posts complaints about establishments on the group pages and angrily Tweets at brands. We’ve all been her at random times, but she exists in this unsatisfied state and wants you to know about it.

7) Brag Mom.This mom tries to humble brag her kids accomplishments by framing her posts as a question to get other moms to comment about how great her kid is. Examples include a pic of a baby writing his name in crayon and the mom posting a video of it, asking the audience if she should purchase a new rug. And then she obsessively checks the comments to receive her compliments on her genius in real time.  If you scroll over to her page she is likely to have a lot of selfies edited with FaceTune.

8) Know It All Mom.She rarely initiates a post, but she LIVES for the comments. She’s always right, has the articles to prove it already copied for speed pasting, and will get the last word. Does not like to be disagreed with, so for your sanity resist the urge to keep commenting. She will always comment last.

9) Boy Moms. You can always tell a mom is a boy mom even before she tells you because her posts are often cries for help regarding cleaning “there’s pee all over my kitchen floor, best way to clean urine off of wood?” or “I have a whole in my wall thanks to a home made wrestling ring”. I always scratch my head when I read these wondering what craziness it must be to be a boy mom. I imagine these moms IRL constantly chasing their kids with a roll of Bounty.

10) Your Friends.Doesn’t matter what your friend IRL posts you’re going to “like” it to show loyalty. Who cares that she shared the dumbest cat video ever (SIKE, there are NO dumb cat videos), or that she shared 600 photos individually, you’re going to “LIKE” that shit because she’s your friend and that is what friends do. If you don’t pity like her bad selfie are you even her friend? Trick question you’re not, a real friend picks up the phone and says “Felicia I can see food in your teeth in that pic”. Or at least text that.

I think I’ve covered it! What groups are you guys in, how do you stay connected with friends and how do you interact with your larger community online? Also, seriously check out those Sanctimommies if you’re not thin skinned, that was the craziest group I have ever witnessed and ultimately left because it was not in step with really anything I believe in. Also, what groups are you in that you think I should join?







Navigating Infertility On Social Media

Social Media is a blessing and a curse in that it connects you to your friends near and far, however that connection can be a version of everyone’s “best life” leaving out the real bits. Sometimes a highlight reel of everyone’s wins on the board can have an adverse affect on your ability to stay confident in your own life. In real life you see your friend’s vulnerability, their real moments … online you see headshots, promotions and baby announcements. Everyone is either: promoted, engaged, booked or fertile.

On the one hand I understand the desire to post the best pic of yourself when posting: because it’s the one you like and are confident with. On the other hand, I understand how damaging it is to constantly be exposed to “perfect” images of all of your friends. When I’m feeling bad about myself it’s harder to not compare myself to my friends, many of whom are innocently posting their best pic, no harm intended. I am also guilty when I post the one pic where you can’t see the bags under my eyes because the lighting was flattering – withholding the Gollum pictures taken at the exact same time.

I felt so confident about my body in February when this picture was taken: 
However, now that I’m juggling hormones and fertility treatments, I look like this:

I hate these pictures. I hate them, but they’re honest. This is what I look like in a bathing suit these days, and as you have probably noticed: it’s less six-packy than it used to be. That’s because I’m on these hormones to get me with-child. The annoying thing is all the other things the pill is supposed to do are working, everything except give me a baby. Side effects include: tender breasts (check), bloating(triple check), cramping (yep) … and then you get knocked up! Except, no. If a baby was in this tummy, I would love this picture. Instead its just my bloated, infertile body. Oh, also this lovely med is not taken orally …

IUI failed again. For the last time. I’m done with the IUI and ready for the IVF. Some people have success with the IUI, I myself am over it, it feels like one big tease. IUI is when the doctor takes frozen sperm and injects it into your uterus with a catheter while you ovulate. Fourteen days later you take a pregnancy test – that is, if your period hasn’t arrived. If Aunt Flow show, you know no.

This time we were assured the sperm sample was strong and that my cervix was “flowering” (the doc’s term for super ripe?).  Due to all the IUI failures before, I planned to lay down on the table after the procedure until they kicked me out. My goal was met when 20 mins later they did a knock on the door to encourage me to get a move on. Check. Next, I begged the front desk ladies to include me in their fertility prayers, and hi fived the gay couple I made friends with in the lobby as they nervously waited to interview surrogates. Then I smashed the rear view mirror on my car trying to reverse because I’m terrible at driving in reverse, well … driving in general.

Dr Knock Us Up said I can’t play basketball during treatments so I emailed my team to update them on my recent insemination. My Bulls pulled through and offered support and encouragement as I began the interminable wait for a positive test.

To pass the time I elevated my HelicopTiger Mom status from a comfortable 10 to a distract-me-please 12. I Amy Poehler’d at #TheHandful’s theater rehearsal and offered several times to demonstrate cartwheels at gymnastics. Surprisingly everyone declined my help.

We pass day 14 post IUI without a period + super swol boobies. I’m like this is it y’all, we got one!! I take a pregnancy test that day and it skyrockets to negative. Too soon, I’m pregnant I say to myself. I tell Baby Daddy I have a good feeling! And for the next three days I was so happy. Every morning I woke up bloodless felt like safety.

On day 14 I depart on a trip to visit one of my sorority sisters. Us Kappas are sisters for life. We are family. My Kappa Sister had just given birth and I needed to go love on them as they navigated the aftermath.

I’m on a 747 to Dallas and need to pee. Immediately I see the evidence: there is no baby in this tummy. Ducking* Aunt Flow always crashing the party lately. I am disappointed, I am sad. I can’t call or text BD so I just sit on the plane and feel sorry for myself.

Which was probably for the best because by the time we landed I had sufficiently mourned the situation and was ready to go to work. A house guest I am not, when I know there’s a baby I come in like a mercenary ready to work.

To some women, babies bring out fertility frustrations. Not me. I’m one of the ones who feeds off the baby’s energy. Not knowing I was experiencing a setback in the moment, my Kappa Sister hands me her JOY. This girl was such a ball of love and so intelligent, I was thrilled to get to spend time with her and my friends. Baby Girl did not disappoint, she was intelligent and adorable the entire visit. She was the perfect antidote to my Empty Womb Blues.

The transformation from Me to Mom and Dude to Dad happens instantly in the delivery room, but the DISCOVERY of who your Mama Bear is happens over time. It was thrilling and healing to support and encourage my sister in this transitional period. Watching her natural instincts and creative problem solving brought me back to when I was a new mom. I remembered feeling scared and unsure in the first few months and I got to watch my Kappa Sister navigate this with (seemingly) much more confidence.

Kappa Daughter spit up on me right away and that was it, we were bonded. Life long friends now. This girl is pushing up to crawl and engaging meaningfully in her coos, she is going to be a STAR. Even typing this I feel my smile when I think about this sweet girl.

To their credit the family pulled off MANY delicious meals during my stay and I left full and probably even a few pounds heavier. When #TheHandful was born we were not capable of cooking meals for people, I truly don’t know how they pulled that off not just once, but a few times.  The love of longtime friends, a new baby and the feeling of a good meal in your tummy can make anything better. Visiting my people revived my soul and reminded me that love and friendship remain constant despite life’s hiccups and setbacks. I left them feeling full in my heart, proud of my Kappa Sister for becoming the Rockstar Mom I knew she would be, and grateful to get to see it firsthand. Turns out real life connection once again is the antidote to online woes. Hugs > Likes.

My family picked me up at LAX and on the ride home we dialed up Dr Knock Us Up. He informed us that after our family vacation in August, we can begin the IVF. First up, MORE HORMONES! Yayyyyy I get to be bloated and emotional for even more time! And this time, I get to inject myself with needles!!! Awesome. Regardless of what it looks like, I will absolutely be transparent about this journey. In the age of photo-editing apps, my hormone bloats will remain untouched. If Cool Mom Jamie is anything, she’s real.

And again, I ask you to consider posting the less flattering pic in hopes of connecting to a friend feeling the same way. I love your white teeth and lack of wrinkles, trust me, but we’re not Kardashians, we’re friends and friends can be vulnerable.

*Does anyone ever mean Ducking?